How are you???

Good day sir/miss, how are you?

How many times have we walked into a store and heard those very words uttered in a manner that resembles the care we put into throwing a glass bottle into the metal recycling bin? They ask as a matter of fact and so too we answer in a matter of fact manner… does it really make a difference? I mean, when they ask do they really want to know how our day actually is, and when we answer do we always tell the truth? Truth be told I am no different than anyone else who has ever asked that question, sometimes I want the truth sometimes I don’t.

When I got here, Rochester MN, home of the world famous Mayo Clinic, I asked them “What’s wrong with me? Why is my body doing this?” – I am starting to believe I may not have wanted the real answer, I may have wanted the equivalent to “I’m fine, how are you?”

Sadly, Friday did not hold the magic answer to the super magic question. The x-rays were all clear so I don’t have a bad back or damaged hips. The harsh reality is that the “thing” that everyone is waiting for, the magic answer, the blue pill that makes it all better hasn’t arrived yet. The doctors here have been working diligently to get to the bottom of it, but I have been told on two occasions that Ottawa was correct; there is a good chance that we are not going to provide you with a cure. The best case scenario may in fact be just pinpointing exactly what you have and working to provide you with answers about how to avoid triggering an episode (“As if you haven’t been told , just don’t catch a cold, like duhhh!” – actual quote). There is the possibility that I have had this disease all my life and it only decided to show its ugly side recently.

… How are you?

I really don’t know what parts of the journey I should write down for you to see. I could not think about writing everything, that would take forever and then some. Do I tell you that doctors missed following up on suggested doctors to contact re: their own tests? Should I tell you that they were ‘shocked’ that no one had sent me for physiotherapy yet as I clearly suffer from muscular problems and physiotherapy would at least help? (The stretching exercises helped… helped a lot!!! I am still in incredible pain, but I am actually walking around, without limping… whooo hoooo)

 Should I go into depth about doctors suggesting that I send samples of urine back from Canada for them to study, because they may not get accurate results from the testing back home? (does my pee need its own passport, or can it travel on mine?)  Should I tell you that they are bringing down biopsy slides so they can take a look at them to determine whether or not the ‘right’ tests were done to my muscles or if they need to do their own muscle biopsy down here, because the answer is in the muscle?

… I’m fine, how are you?

Right now there are just as many new questions as there were old ones. They have answered what they could and will answer much more next week. I had a utopian dream on the way down. A part of me firmly believed that a test or two would be done and someone would walk out with a paper that said you have disease 3487 B and this blue tablet fixes you. I don’t want to hear that this is for life; I don’t want to know that my kidneys really have been lucky, but thankfully the body has a wonderful way of healing itself. Well doc, does this mean that I have nothing to worry about? Well of course not, if your kidneys get overwhelmed they could shut down… thanks doc, I’m fine, how are you?

What does this mean? Well it means that I still can’t answer the question everyone wants answered. I am not sure if they will have the answer here either? All that I can say is that they have assured me that I won’t leave without knowing. I just want to know. I can fight what I know. I am no longer able to fight what I don’t know. Sickness truly is a state of mind, and I can tell you that your mind will do a lot to make you feel a whole lot better or whole lot worse if it feels like it… if you let it. I’m at peace with everything that is going on now, and at long last I think I am ready to know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Real sorry I couldn’t give a more positive and informative answer, but like I said, as soon as I know you will know too. For now, please keep praying and sending the positive energy! One way or the other I will be in better shape when I return, but keep in mind, if you ask me how I’m doing, I’m going to give you a real answer. I trust and pray that answer is honestly “I’m fine, how are you?”

Ps – for all of you football fans, especially the Vikings fans (waddup Mr PS), sports in the USA are just on another level. I think I learned more about college basketball, and NFL football on a clinic shuttle then all my time following sports in Canada. I may just give up on cheering for the Bills, and don some purple fatigues.