Trigyptabbi...

Did you hear the one about the Trini, the Egyptian, and the Rabbi?

Sooooooo, we come all the way to MN, and now both Ms K and I are fully battling colds. I, of course, with my superman immune system, I’m not affected half as bad as ms “knocked out and can’t talk”. So the weekend couldn’t have been timed better. Ahhhh sweet sweeeet sleep. Of which I don’t seem to be able to get anymore. Back to worrying. Monday and Tuesday as it stands right now are the wrap up and tell days. What on earth is going to be the outcome? I know what they promised, but then again I have had doctors make some bold statements before and not follow through. I know I have mentioned numerous times that I believe in these doctors, in the system, in their ability to diagnose. But even superman can be scared right? (Another if you know me personally moment: IYKMP – ask me about how super a man I am whenever you see me in person… if you are lucky, I may just be able to show you!)

So how does this all tie together… hold your horses, I will get to it. Remember… me… tangents… loving to talk and ramble…

Did I ever mention that I taught elementary classes at an orthodox Jewish School?

Many people don’t know, but yes indeed I am fully certified as an elementary school teacher in the province of Ontario. Imagine, me, teaching young people… parents beware!!!! I didn’t last long, only because I cared too much. Let me explain – in any school system, for any region, religion, class, income bracket, etc the problem usually is not the kids, it’s normally the combination of the child and parents. My experience was that the parents and their problems affected the classroom way more often than the student’s behaviour, and I carried that worry home with me. To be a good teacher you need to be able to separate that life form your home life… I couldn’t. Oops, tangent.

The school… yessssss. So imagine I’m teaching at a school, an Orthodox Jewish school. Young black Canadian of Trinidadian parentage alongside a Muslim French teacher. The more time I spent at the school the more appreciation I had for Jewish culture and the religion itself.

One day, I am talking to a group of 6^th grade girls and I say “… just like Michael Jackson”. There were 12 girls staring back at me with the “huh?” look flashing like Times Square neon. So, you can imagine the ensuing conversation, back and forth… me asking “Well then do you know…?” the resulting “what on earth are you talking about?”

At break I frantically look for the principal, who is the coolest Rabbi I have ever met (that statement has some value, because I have met more than a few of them). We then get in to a similar tennis match of “well have they heard of?” and his return of “no they haven’t!”

My dear friend the Rabbi sits me down and explains that for this specific school and the community that supported it, they tried their best to restrict all outside influence from the children’s education. No outside radio, television, newspapers, etc. But you have a black math/English/social studies teacher and an Egyptian French teacher?!?!? He explains that in a perfect world that would not be the case, but they had to accept that if they wanted the best ‘secular’ education for their children they had to do what they had to do (I am still going with that was a compliment, don’t dare convince me otherwise). The Rabbi went on to paint the picture that their faith was blind and there was no need to introduce anything else because that would just confuse the facts. Nothing else was ever introduced, so there was never a question asked in challenge of what they believed. They were educated in this isolation until such time that they went off into the world and made their own decisions. I just couldn’t understand… but then again, that is why I’ve had my own issues with my own Roman Catholic Church (3 priests and 2 nuns later and it’s still not settled) – they keep trying to convince me “that’s just the way it is.” Call me when you get a female priest father.

Faith… my opinion… it can’t be blind!!! I mean how can it? If you are not allowed to fight with it, turn it upside down inside out, get mad at it, shake it… if not how do you believe in it? The times in my life where my faith has been the strongest have been the times where I was most upset… the most frustrated… the times where I just wanted to scream “WHY ME?” I believe in God because I was given the opportunity not to believe in God. I have faith because there were times when faith was the last thing on my mind… I can’t count how many times I have thought the “yea, if there was a God, why would he allow this to happen?” The thing about it is, we can’t have it both ways… we can’t want free will and then question bad events. Should God step in before any disaster and save the day? What exactly would the purpose to life be? The things we hold so precious in life and precious because we know the opposing force. Think about it… remove every bad occurrence and life is pretty darn boring.

Here I am… The day before (well technically, the day of now) I start finding out the future of my rhabdo journey and I can’t sleep. Why??? Because I am having a serious dose of “why meeeeee”. Seriously God, I think I’m a pretty good guy. Love my family and everyone else. Try my best all the time to live right and do right. And here I am waiting for a “prescription” to fix me. Why aren’t You swooping down and fixing this now Now NOW!!!

 I have left my beliefs somewhere and gave in to what felt good right now – feeling sorry for myself. Never mind all the good that I have learned along the way to getting to Mayo. Forget all of the people’s lives that have touched mine or vice versa. I’m stuck on, how dare You put me in this position… huh??? It is always harder to swallow your own medicine. I have told numerous people, that it is a fool that learns nothing from everything. If I cannot see the magic in coming to this place and being put on a path back to healthy, then I am the fool that I constantly warn of. Is the mantra I have been chanting about them not letting me leave without a firm answer not enough?

Honesty… ah ha! I know they will provide an answer, with direction. I have already been witness to the benefits of a physiotherapy program. I was aware before getting here that it may be incurable and something that is with me for life. So why the hell can’t I sleep… because superman is scared. I’m scared. I don’t know what is around the corner and that scares me. Eight years in the making to get to today and tomorrow.

Sorry, no cute ending this time, nothing funny to say. This last week, Japan’s tragic events reminded me of just how fragile life is. So like I’ve asked so many times before, please take time to smell the flowers today (not literally, but then again that wouldn’t hurt), smile, and hug someone you really love. If you have never taken heed to my request before, at least give it a try this time - I think I will swallow my own medicine and go hug someone I really love…

T minus 10 hours.