The glass is half full of chamomile tea…

The glass is half full of chamomile tea…

Sorry for the delay in writing, but much is going on at a feverous pace, so I am starting this entry at 1:54 am. I have no normal clock left in me, I sleep when I can and for some reason that’s not very often any more. I think when the stress is finally released from this trip to Minnesota I will sleep for three days straight, or I will find out I have insomnia (hmmm that would be a half empty glass). "Half full!" I say in a wicked English accent!!!

What is this guy mumbling about… glass... full... tea...

I have a weird kind of apology to make. I will apologize and most will tell me there is no need, but I think it is necessary in case you don’t know me very well. I have run into a dozen or so people since I wrote my good, bad and ugly entry, that have expressed that the blog brought them to tears. For this I apologize. It was never my intention to walk you down that path with me. The path I wanted company on was the one that advertised, this dude is in pain, but he’s laughing… laughing at the pain straight in the face… staring it down… eye to eye and then chuckling like Santa after a choco chip and 2% snack. I wanted you to understand that indeed when you see me out I’m in pain, but I really do want to talk to you, and hear about your wife’s follies on the Rideau canal, about the buzzer beater in last night’s game, about the rough day you had at work, about life! You see, and ask my brother for verification, I am ridiculously optimistic about life… my glass is forever half full. As much as I wish that it would all go away, it is mine, mine to own, mine to manage, mine to overcome – and overcome I will.

I wanted you to know that I wasn’t giving up, and that even when it’s the ugly, my goal is always to get back to the good… the real good. You see… I don’t want me back, I demand me back! So I will not stop hunting until I find the answer. Again, I do apologize for not being more clear as to the intention, and for all you know I will go back and read it and realize I completely missed on the message… in that case I will just add some more chamomile tea to the glass.

And what’s with the chamomile… isn’t the saying simply a glass is half full of water? Well, earlier tonight I had a lovely conversation with a great friend (thanks Mrs SOM) about karma not being a female dog. In fact she’s a sweet old lady sipping on; you guessed it… chamomile tea.

You see, we have trained ourselves to think only in terms of sending out bad karma and receiving bad karma in return. I can testify that it works just as fine on the other side. I may have made the karma reference before, but let me ‘splain it in more detail now.

I was informed by letter in December that the Mayo clinic was willing to see me. My wife and I wondered how we would come up with the funds to get there. We decided that we would squeeze what we could to get me through the front doors and if need be I would just return for follow ups as funds permitted. She asked a few close friends for help, and then it began… Snowball effect would not come close to explaining what has happened. It’s like the shampoo commercial… and she told two friends and so on and so one…

The unofficial estimate from Mayo we received by phone was for 15,000$ + accommodation + flight +++. We are now very close to that number. There is no science to what the final bill will be, but in the words of the gentleman on the phone after he opened my file, “whoa, yeah you may be looking at MRIs and other complicated tests. It can easily shoot to 15-20,000$ and then some”. Then again I may get there, they reach on the shelf, hand me the blue pill and I’m fixed.

What has been amazing to me is the outpouring of love and support that has resulted from that one letter. I volunteer at a radio station… not just any radio station, but one that is truly connected to my community of Caribbean peoples living in Ottawa. CHUO really put all of this snowball a rolling with a funding drive 2 weeks ago that has to date raised over  6,000$ and that figure continues to rise. My wife came home and said to me , ”ummm do you really know the effect you’ve had on this city?”

 My answer, “nope!”

To a great extent it is still nope. And truth be told, I don’t want to know. It may limit my vision of how much more I want to do once I find a solution to this stinky problem. With all the positive energy I have received I just want to go out and help more and fix more and do more!!!

Then the next week CKCU, the station I used to volunteer at, had a fundraiser on air as well. CKCU will always hold a special musical place in my heart. Then there’s Fades, and Groovy’s, my partner in radio crime, nat times two, the lioness, the wonderful Friends of Wizdom committee and on and on the list goes. That’s just Ottawa. In Toronto, friends of friends are trying to help, and the stories of hope, ohhhh the stories of hope. I am truly blessed.

So Ms Karma, understand this… I will continue to feed you good energy and an abundance of love. Not because I have learned that it comes back tenfold, not because it makes for great feel good stories, and not because I’m afraid of the female dog version of you! I will continue to feed you good energy and love, because that’s who I am… and I don’t know any other way to do it. Also, because I too love chamomile tea.

Love ya CHUO (click here)

Love ya CKCU (click here)