As cousin R would ask, “so we will do like Heinz?”

Over the last year or so, I have had the debate with some friends over on that lovely social network site about what does and does not require ketchup. The answers were enough to make ones head spin. My lovely wife thinks it’s a sin of sorts to marry ketchup and eggs, my kids love it on everything hot to “cool it down”, and I found a friend who dresses her curry chicken with it (I still think her husband needs to sit down and talk with her). Alas, this is a different kind of ketchup. For when my cousin utters those words, it means we haven’t spoken in a while and we need to catch up.

I know I should have kept notes on my Blackberry, but meh… I am sure if I forget anything someone in the camp will remind me, or I will remind myself.  So here goes, I promise I will keep it short.

One:

The Audacity. (if I have given this story before just ignore, I’m too lazy to go back and check) Can you believe the Ottawa Hospital, the General in this particular case, charges you to see and/or copy your personal files? Imagine, they rack up charges against OHIP for treating you and then when you ask to see what they have done (for your personal use) there is a “nominal charge”. I can’t remember the exact amount, but believe me it wasn’t 9.95+shipping and handling. They don’t have the amount on their website either, so whenever I go back in I will take a picture of the sign. REALLY?!?!?!?

How do I know this you might ask? Well, that whole eye fiasco that took place… I went in to follow up and I was given the all clear. So I asked for a copy of the report stating I was ‘all clear’. I was told it is the same letter my doctor received. I said well umm that one said I had an eye problem and to follow up in 6 weeks! The doctor looked at me and said...”yes” – wrap your mind around that one and if you figure it out let me know.

I will just get a copy from My doctor… REALLY?!?!?!

Two:

Thanks to Super Wife (good thing she doesn’t read this blog otherwise her head would swell… ohhh the ego!!!

We  finally got the official bypass emergency pass!!! Whooo hooooo. This means I do not have to wait for a full blown episode to be admitted in to hospital. Dr C (the coolest darn internist on the planet, he shops at the same computer store, nerds unite) has agreed that we are at the stage where I can just call his office and he will admit me directly without having to go through emerg. I hate emerg!!! They do great work, and believe me I have been there enough times to know that they are completely understaffed, but for someone in my particular situation, most times its just hell. Because most people have never heard of recurrent Rhabdomyolysis I normally spend a good chunk of time convincing staff that I did not just finish a marathon (hahaha the thought alone is funny), no I wasn’t in an accident, I wasn’t just dead lifting 400kgs, and NOOOOO I am not a cocaine addict! These are all reasons that normal people might experience rhabdo.  Have ya met me… I’m NOT normal!

Then, if the tests don’t come back super high, they send me back home to wait until they do get that high… something like a pregnant woman being sent home when her contractions are 5 minutes apart and the nurse says, “we admit when they are under 5 minutes!” REALLY?!!?!? Don’t tell me it doesn’t happen, it happened for mini me number 1.

Anyhoo, bypass emerg pass in hand, yahooooooooo.

Three:

This is the one Ms Anonymous was referring to (by the way lady, show your name… geesh). Well how do I chop this one down… point form:

•             Had two muscle biopsies done

•             Second one was a double so I wouldn’t have to do another one in the future
•             Tests were done on the muscle tissue for the last year plus, all came back negative
•             We were down to last slice
•             Geneticist suggests a test that hasn’t been ordered before, pathologist is in Rochester NY (loves me some various Rochesters in various states)
•             OHIP finally ok’s the test costs
•             Sample is shipped to states
•             Package gets to border for the “hand off”
•             Border dude says, ummm no, this isn’t the right paper work
•             Border dude sends sample back to Canada
•             Dry ice warms up
•             Sample is dead.
•             Mikey may need to get ANOTHER biopsy

There’s a whole lot in between all of that, but that’s the gist of it. So I have been assigned a patient advocate… don’t ask I have no clue. I’m waiting to hear back from the pathologist’s office as well. If you know of any good medical malpractice lawyers please let me know. I’m starting to go all Mel Gibson … sans the crazy phone messages.

The doctors have assured me that everyone on this side had all of their I’s dotted and T’s crossed, so its just a waiting game right now. Grrrrrrrr Zzzzzzzzzz

Four:

the envelope pleaseeeee. Well this one is short. Yep it was the final report, and as we imagined, they have found nothing new. I have to call the lead doctor this week to discuss the next steps, but for now the sandwich is over. I can’t complain, because they have placed me leaps ahead of where I would have been had I not gone, and they put in writing that they are willing to work with doctors here to continue my care and continue to search for the answer. I will NOT give up.

So that’s it for now. The physio continues to help while it hurts. I still swim with those lovely ladies twice a week, and I’m still surrounded by the world’s greatest wife and two awesome kids that keep my brain working at a feverous pace. I love them… and seems like they love me!

So that’s all for now, we will do like Heinz and ketchup again soon….