I know I know - the titles keep getting better and better. What on earth could those two have to do with each other???? Why would I mention them in the same sentence?
Well, back in the day, a long long time ago, The Madden Football franchise that is so beloved on Playstation 3’s, X Box 360’s and Wii’s worldwide, was played on a lovely little gaming system called the Sega Genesis (click here). If you are nodding and smiling right now, YOU ARE OLD!
As the story goes, my brother and I are huge Buffalo bills fans. We lived through the 5 in 7 years of hell. I literally went on the balcony and did a lil dance during the “missed field goal” and came back inside to see very long faces. I AM A FAN!!!
Anyhow, during that stretch of Superbowl runs, we played Madden on Sega Genesis… our friend CR always chose Dallas, and we always (read: sometimes) beat the snat out of her. Then the real Cowboys would beat the snat out of the Bills. Art does not always imitate life. Sometimes we expect, need, demand that things go one way, and they end up going in a completely different direction.
Since my last post, nothing has really gone the way it should. The world is halfway upside down and I find myself daily trying to make sense of it. I still have yet to see the pain clinic. No follow up from Mayo. Insurance is asking me to “prove” that I need physiotherapy. I have witnessed firsthand the necessity of a will and power of attorney. The magic of cancer research in action, at the same time, the folly of cancer research not being as advanced as it should be…
This all leads me to a place that cries for hope, cries for focus, warmed by faith, caressed by positivity… On the weekend, I joined a good friend of mine and her son at the movies with my boys. While we were waiting for them, I finally witnessed one of those hurricane simulators (if you have never seen one in action, click here) in action. I remember laughing and saying that machine is my life. Things whipping by you at unnatural speeds and you are kinda supposed to sit there and smile, come out of it smiling, not let anyone know you may have peed your pants… slightly… {{insert bad words here}}
Ok, sorry, that even confused me!
I’m lost. Nothing makes sense. I am just going through some motions right now and I hate living like that. I was so full of purpose and direction at one point in time. And now My aim is to get through to tomorrow. What the heck happened??!! I sit at home sometimes and I swear I can feel myself slowly losing it… piece by piece. The same friend we went to the movies with ended up taking the boys home… I think she looked at me and must have came to the conclusion that they would be in better hands with her for the evening… give that dude a break… Thanks Mrs and Mr M…
I’m just tired.
I got to visit with two friends from work last week as well. That was an amazing feeling too. The sanity of work stories and laughing at normal things…. There’s a funny story I can share about 15 mins, but its best delivered in person. Thanks Mr S and Mr N!!! I am very aware and grateful for the people who surround me.
At the same time it’s hard to explain to people that this warm and loving home of mine sometimes feels like a jail cell - one that I literally escape from like any other penitentiary. The warden is way sexier than the ones you see on TV though, so there is a bonus.
People do call and I am grateful for that without a doubt, but trust me, it’s like receiving a call in prison. I know once I hang up, I am back to being surrounded by the same walls. That Sucks! I wanna be free.
Well that’s my Heinz… I will get back to sharing information and stories of the quest. I think I am back, but only time will tell.
I miss my pops something awful. {{insert another couple bad words}}
Until we catch up again,
Thanks for listening.
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